Hangover Enlightenment

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It was a cold, crisp night. And I could barely see, with my lousy sight. I left the bar in a state of confusion and intoxication. I didn’t know where I was going, absolutely no destination. Then I thought about that and I got filled with fear. Because in a snap of a moment I have somehow already lived 23 years. As the temperature drops my mind clears along with my thoughts. I close my eyes and try to catch my breath and slowly I remember exactly what I have left. A sudden chill comes down my spine because I realize I have nothing which I can truly call my mine.   

The darkness surrounds me from all around and my impression for a brief moment is one with the cold ground. My constant failures linger in the back of my mind. Slowly showing themselves to me as if still is time. Why does it seem that nowadays darkness is my only friend. For this pain, anger and hate I see no end. I cry with no tears to show and my pain is evident as it continues to grow. My sins have come to life to pull me down. I scream for help yet there is no sound. Alone: Now I know its true meaning. My visions seem to be dark and I am incapable of dreaming. 

 

In all of this madness I start to think, how is it possible that I am on the brink…Of madness and yet there is no sign of hope. So many disappointments stacked up I start to choke. All of a sudden my face hits the cold ground in a violent fashion and I think about what got me here was pure obsession. My obsession with happiness, pride and love. I poured my heart and soul into my obsession but it still wasn’t enough. 

Darkness overcomes my eyes and tonight is no more.

 

My eyes flicker open and I rise as does the sun. I find myself on the footsteps of my apartment building not knowing how I got here. Yesterday seems like a puzzle that doesn’t quite seem to fit but it left its mark on me in some manner. Was it the alcohol that took me to the darkness or was it the darkness that took me to the alcohol? I try to stand but my head is spinning as if I was on the tea cup ride. God, I hate the tea cup ride. I pull myself up and start to pick the lock of my brain to see what I stashed there last night. I need answers and I need them now. It all slowly comes back to me and those dark thoughts power their way back to say “Surprise Mother******!!” Ahhh shit where did these thoughts come from?!?! Am I really this messed up? No. Not at all. This is something that lingers within all of us that needs to be let out every once in a while. 

To change or to brush this off as just a drunken stupor. I’ll decide after breakfast….

The dripping of nonsensical thoughts

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So it’s been about a month since I have graduated college, still no job. I am sitting here in my kitchen while typing this, listening to Queens ” We will Rock You” on Pandora and can’t help but think, “is Freddie Mercury talking to me right now? Am I a big disgrace?” I don’t even know right now because my A.D.D. has taken my attention to that damn sink which is dripping as if it’s sending a Morse code. Probably sending for help to get out of this stale, methodical and boring environment. 

Do you ever wonder what the purpose of life is? Well of course you do, I mean that’s one of those universal thoughts that every single human is required to have. But seriously what is the point of all of this? And I don’t just mean now, but I mean the entirety of human existence. What is the purpose? Why were humans created and what real purpose do we have. We are born, we live and then we die. I mean I understand we make a difference in the lives around us and all but as a species what the hell are we doing here? It is dark and vast question and it takes quite a bit of soul searching to understand.

Maybe I should just fix this damn faucet and I will be content with the purpose of life and creation. It’s worth a shot at least.