I’m back!

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I know….I know that I have apologized before about not being consistent with my writing and by now you guys are seeing a trend. But I wholeheartedly apologize. Life is a funny thing and sometimes we are taken away from our passions. Good news is that I have been at my current job for about 8 months now! Ohh how time flies!

I am going to start living a more balanced life. I am eating healthier, I am working out again, I am going out of my comfort zone, growing as an individual every day and now I will get back to my passions -writing, inspiring and creating content.

As I always tell people, life is short. Don’t wait to pursue your passions and to live the life you want. I always preach this but I don’t fully follow my own advice. it is time to change that.

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Careers, should they be your passion or a means to an end?

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So this is an apology for my readers, whoever may be kind enough to actually visit my blog that is. I know I have said that I would make more of an effort to post on a regular basis but I have been so busy with work for the last 2 months. Ohh yeah! I got a job! I am extremely lucky to have found something after the countless amounts of applications I filed out. Trust me I know this (and if it feels like there is a but coming here, then you my friend are correct) but, it hasn’t been all that I thought it would be.

I know for a fact this is not the industry nor the position I want for my career. It is not something that is particularly interesting to me and I am not in the slightest passionate about it. It’s a paycheck though, right? So what do I do? Do I stick it out for the “required” year as it is my first job or do I try to find something while working here.

I  am the type of person who needs to feel like they are making a difference, not just at work but in the world. I don’t feel either in my current position. The work I do only makes the owners richer but doesn’t do much as to make the world a better place in any capacity. What I truly love to do as many of you know, is to write. To create content. To inspire. To make some kind of positive impact with my contribution.

What I really want is a job in the social media/PR/creative industry where I can be & use my creative side. I want my juices flowing. I don’t want to sit at a desk and just twiddle my thumbs. It is a cross roads that the majority of us find ourselves in. We get stuck in a job we don’t like but we just say “we’re supposed to hate our jobs anyways. No one likes work. That’s just life.” I don’t agree with this sentiment at all. You don’t have to hate your job. You can find something you truly love and are passionate about. You need to get out there and network. You need to add skills so you can be a valuable piece in the industry in which you want to work in. And that is exactly what I am doing right now. Hopefully this will open up a door to a job I truly am passionate about.

Being stressed and having a job I have no passion for has been taking control of my life for the past 2 months. I haven’t had a chance to write at all. I haven’t really been able to do much of anything. I just come home exhausted and feeling almost depressed. I know i am unhappy in this situation but I am being practical because I need the money right now. Not for myself, but to take the burden off my parents who have supported me for 24 years. I owe it to them to stay at this job until something better comes along. But boy I hope something good comes along soon! This was just my little way of venting to you beautiful people : ) Hope you don’t mind!

What are your takes on finding a career in which you can truly be happy in? Any tips or advice? Please chime in and reblog to see what others think. I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts!

Until Next Time ~Peace, Love & Respect~

Hangover Enlightenment

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It was a cold, crisp night. And I could barely see, with my lousy sight. I left the bar in a state of confusion and intoxication. I didn’t know where I was going, absolutely no destination. Then I thought about that and I got filled with fear. Because in a snap of a moment I have somehow already lived 23 years. As the temperature drops my mind clears along with my thoughts. I close my eyes and try to catch my breath and slowly I remember exactly what I have left. A sudden chill comes down my spine because I realize I have nothing which I can truly call my mine.   

The darkness surrounds me from all around and my impression for a brief moment is one with the cold ground. My constant failures linger in the back of my mind. Slowly showing themselves to me as if still is time. Why does it seem that nowadays darkness is my only friend. For this pain, anger and hate I see no end. I cry with no tears to show and my pain is evident as it continues to grow. My sins have come to life to pull me down. I scream for help yet there is no sound. Alone: Now I know its true meaning. My visions seem to be dark and I am incapable of dreaming. 

 

In all of this madness I start to think, how is it possible that I am on the brink…Of madness and yet there is no sign of hope. So many disappointments stacked up I start to choke. All of a sudden my face hits the cold ground in a violent fashion and I think about what got me here was pure obsession. My obsession with happiness, pride and love. I poured my heart and soul into my obsession but it still wasn’t enough. 

Darkness overcomes my eyes and tonight is no more.

 

My eyes flicker open and I rise as does the sun. I find myself on the footsteps of my apartment building not knowing how I got here. Yesterday seems like a puzzle that doesn’t quite seem to fit but it left its mark on me in some manner. Was it the alcohol that took me to the darkness or was it the darkness that took me to the alcohol? I try to stand but my head is spinning as if I was on the tea cup ride. God, I hate the tea cup ride. I pull myself up and start to pick the lock of my brain to see what I stashed there last night. I need answers and I need them now. It all slowly comes back to me and those dark thoughts power their way back to say “Surprise Mother******!!” Ahhh shit where did these thoughts come from?!?! Am I really this messed up? No. Not at all. This is something that lingers within all of us that needs to be let out every once in a while. 

To change or to brush this off as just a drunken stupor. I’ll decide after breakfast….

The Metra Wake Up Call

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Photo found on Google Images, do not own. 

So this something I wrote to myself on my commute to class on the train from a few weeks ago.It is a little random and it has swears, but I think it will be worth the read. Let me know what you think!!!

I have lived a life without having to suffer any real tragedies. No big, life-altering events that would stay with me forever. For some reason though, I have this feeling of loneliness within myself. Every so often in the pit of my stomach I get this anxious feeling that something is missing from my life or from myself. I personally have a positive attitude about life and everything that encompasses it, but when I am alone something just seems to be missing. Lets set the record straight here, there are no suicidal thoughts here and there never will be. I don’t even think you can call this depression. Rather this is just a young soul trying to figure out what the hell he is exactly doing. I get that this is not an original thought, rather it’s a path every individual goes down at some point in their lives.

 

I mean I have no real talents or no big achievements under my belt. I mean for Gods sake I am already 23! There’s multimillionaires out there that are younger than me. There are people out there living out their dreams and accomplishing things left and right. So what is my excuse? I have these strong urges to do incredible things but sadly they die out as soon as they are born. Am I just one of those “all talk, no action” individuals? What does one need to do to get that motivation to reach the next stage? Whether or not I would like to admit this, but I know there is an apathy within me and that is the God damned truth.

As being the youngest I have always been the baby of the family and my parents have raised me as such. I have had no real responsibilities growing up and have pretty much coasted through my young life. But there is an expiration date on which you can blame your parents. I need to take charge and assert myself in every single aspect of my life, because lets face it, this one issue has affected me in every single area of my life.

 But where does this motivation of completely altering myself come from? I mean to entirely change ones self is a process, you can’t undo 23 years of apathy in a single moment or action can you? Well, why not? We live life by a set of rules either ones that have been established by “society” throughout the years or some we just make up ourselves. (But lets be honest it’s still society talking.) We humans are amazing! Our minds are amazing! We are capable of so much but most of us don’t even unearth 10% of it. We get sucked in to this black hole or zone of content and comfort and we just settle in there for the rest of our lives. I am one of those people. I am exactly what I hate, what I despise and what I fear. Maybe this is the reason for my despair and loneliness. I still don’t know myself. I have this picture of what I want to be or hope to be but I am not even close to it. I have let myself believe that I am something that I am not.

Now my life is good but I am not truly happy because I feel like I am just wasting away. The minutes are passing me by like strangers on the street. Given such a precious gift as life and here I am squandering it away. I know you think that I am being dramatic or I am romanticizing the situation. Tell me honestly though, how many people in the history of the world made the most of their time? How many lives were spent living for others? How many people settled for what they got? How many dreams went unfulfilled? 

I am not saying that I crave to be famous or rich or anything of that nature. I just want to live a worthwhile life that I can be proud of. And right now, I am not proud. Because I know I have so much more potential and I can take myself to a greater place. I need to light a fire within myself that no one will be able to extinguish, not even me. A fire of passion, that will burn to the sky.

Knowing your faults and failures will and can take you to an amazing place. It is important to know yourself fully and completely. Sitting on this train to Chicago I have accepted that I have failed so far in my life. I have let the apathy take full control and make me numb. I know this and it is up to me to pull myself out of this shit daze of a life.

Hopefully just writing all of this down and making myself think, write and read this will be the trigger to escape my comfort zone. Wake up! Do something! Do what you want!

For example when you saw that cute girl at Starbucks, why didn’t you go up and talk to her? This fear of everything will get you no where! Once you conquer your fear, you will feel liberated and you know this to be true. Life is short, fear has no place here. This fear will hold you back, and you do not want the comfort zone anymore. Take that anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach and kick it out! There is no vacancy anymore, not for fear. Just take the leap man, it might be scary at first but that rush afterwards will be worth it. Apply this everything, and believe in yourself. You aren’t a baby anymore. You are capable of a lot, just lose the fear and see where you end up. Confidence is the motherfucking key.

So when opportunity knocks, open the damn door because there is a good chance you won’t hear another knock for a while. You should try to experience as much as you can because even bad experiences help us grow, probably more so than the good. Get what you can when you can.

Take risks, everything will be fine.

Until next time ~Peace, Love & Respect~