I’m back!

I know….I know that I have apologized before about not being consistent with my writing and by now you guys are seeing a trend. But I wholeheartedly apologize. Life is a funny thing and sometimes we are taken away from our passions. Good news is that I have been at my current job for about 8 months now! Ohh how time flies!

I am going to start living a more balanced life. I am eating healthier, I am working out again, I am going out of my comfort zone, growing as an individual every day and now I will get back to my passions -writing, inspiring and creating content.

As I always tell people, life is short. Don’t wait to pursue your passions and to live the life you want. I always preach this but I don’t fully follow my own advice. it is time to change that.

Things might be coming around

For those of you that read my writing know that I am an annoyingly positive person. But as positive as I am, it can be tough to have that attitude 24/7. That’s the thing to remember though, you don’t have to be positive all day every day. You do however need to remember that things are never as bad as you think and that there is a silver lining if you have the perspective.

As positive as I was/am things were looking a little down. My love life going nowhere, haven’t landed a job 7 months after graduation and life just seemed routine. But just through the last week-I had a great job interview for the position I wanted, I seem to be having better luck in my love life and I finally went skydiving after 7 years of waiting.

I guess what I am saying is that if you aren’t happy you need to take the initiative and change your life. True that sometimes things are left up to timing, but you can’t just sit back and let life happen. Get out there and take risks, try new things and get out of your comfort zone. Life is waaaay too short for you to let it just happen. Write your own story.

Stories

 

It’s a rainy day in April. I’m here sitting in my living room listening to music like I do quite often. Day-o by Harry Belafonte is playing and it brings about a certain nostalgic high. As I lift my head up, I notice a picture of my grandpa. It has been sitting there for as long as I can remember but I have never really looked at it. Truth is I never knew him. He passed away before I was born. But I am told he was a man of great presence and wisdom. Looking at the picture I started to think, I have no idea who he is and I never will. Besides the stories that my family will tell me. Then it clicked. All we are and ever will be is our stories. What we do and the actions that we take. The impact that we had on those around us. I guess I always knew that in some capacity, but it was finally clear in this moment.

 

That got me thinking about myself. What will my story be? Looking at my past I’ve had some good moments and some bad. Nobody is perfect, am I right? But now I have the choice to be good and make a difference for those around me. And I guess that is why I write and share my work. As much as this is for me so I can just clear my head and relieve stress. I do this for others. Now I don’t know how many of you actually read what I post or even care. And that’s fine by me. I just hope to reach one individual out there and to let them know that they are not alone. Because trust me I know the feeling of being alone. Nothing is worse than feeling that way and having no one to understand that. We all go through it sometimes in our life, it’s only natural. So with my writing I just want to help people who are out there. By sharing my thoughts and experiences. Hopefully I can create some kind of dialogue with those out there and just let them know that things will be fine.

 

We live in world where people are judged for the dumbest things. We single out individuals for their race, religion, skin color, views, or a countless number of things. You may or may not have graduated high school but that doesn’t matter because life is just a bigger version of it. There are cliques, segregation and bullying. The sooner we accept people for who they are and stop judging each other we will find happiness that much quicker. Like I said I am no where near perfect and I have my flaws. But I hope to get better day by day and treat those around me with love and compassion.

 

I look at my grandfathers picture again. Wondering if he would be proud of me and the person I am today. I will never know but all I can do is to try to become that person everyday for the rest of my life.

 

Sorry for the hiatus!!!

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I apologize for not posting anything for the past month and half. I have just been crazy busy with job hunting and applying to grad school now. I promise you however, that I will be starting to write again. That is if my good ole’ friend writers block doesn’t show again….I really despise him

Brian

 

After a few hours around family I left the apartment and stepped outside into the night. It was only 30 degrees or so but the cold air felt refreshing and it was almost welcoming. The pleasantries of good-byes occurred and I was quickly in my car and already on the road. It must have been just a little past midnight and the road was scattered with a few cars here and there. As I made my way through the beautifully lit streets an overwhelming feeling came over me. A feeling of loneliness that hit me like a semi-truck doing a hundred on the expressway. With no warning, no alarm or no sign.. it hit me. The loneliness suffocated me and it held me down like I was its prisoner. Tears started to escape my eyes as if they needed to be somewhere. The only thing I had control of was the wheel, which is a blessing I suppose. The passing cars and their passengers had absolutely no idea that I was so emotionally drained in that moment, I was just a stranger making his way in the late hours of the silent night. I kept asking myself, “what is the matter? why are you doing this?” But those questions meant for my brain had no response, because my brain at this moment had no control. This was a matter of the heart, a matter of something else inside of me that showed itself after hiding in the dark for so long.

A red light. Thank God for the red light. I can try to compose myself if at all possible. I decided to take the long way home just so this loneliness had a chance to finish whatever the hell it had planned for me. As I made my way home on these often seen but long forgotten roads I was able to gather myself but unfortunately I had no Goddamn explanation. I was lost, I was confused and there were no answers in sight. Maybe I just needed this outburst as a jolt to my system perhaps. A kind of reboot or restart to get me up and running to optimal efficiency. As I approached the stop sign I realized where I was. A street from my house yes, but even more importantly the street of my childhood friend.

 

He had passed away several months before. To be honest I hadn’t seen or even talked to him for a good 6 years perhaps. There wasn’t some big falling out or anything but we just grew apart and fell into different circles. Life. I guess you can say life happened. I realized that I often came by this way and every time I linger just for a little bit before I go. With my feet on the brakes I just stood still at the stop sign this time. I looked in the rearview mirror to make sure no one else was coming down the street. Then I just sat there looking at his house. The frontyard where we played games during those beautiful summer nights. Back then we were innocent, we had pure joy and took things as they came. None of this feeling lonely for no damn reason. I started to smile just thinking about him and his infectious laugh. I thought about all the good times we had and wish I could have just said goodbye to him. Have said something at least. To be honest I don’t even know if they still lived here. It had been so long but it still seemed to hurt just the same knowing that he wasn’t out there in the world somewhere.

 

A light flashed across my face and snapped me back in to reality, back to the loneliness. A car was making its way down the street and I decided to make that journey of the final block. I pulled in to my driveway and turned off the car with the slightest touch. I stood outside, leaning against my car and let the cold air fill my lungs. I tilt my head and looked upon the clouded sky and let the cold hug me. The loneliness started to dissipate and I came back to myself. With a satisfied sigh, I finally made my way home.  

Underneath

 

A smile, a laugh and positivity. That’s what the world knows me for. I come off as a positive individual and I guess I am. But behind this smile there is hurt, there is pain, there is a longing of else. Inside I just want to fucking scream, AHHHHHHHHHH!! People look at me and say “I wish I had it together like you. I wish I could just be calm about things like you.” Calm, huh. That makes me chuckle. There is always a calm before a storm. Always. I wouldn’t wish that loneliness on anyone. It eats you up slowly and surely. The door opens and a woman sits down. As she settles in, her shaky voice lets the air carry her words to me and says, “”Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last confession.”

Whey Protein: A poem

 

This is my attempt at making a poem about whey protein and how it benefits muscle growth as requested by my friend. Let me know what you think in the comments and please follow!!

 

“Ehhh way!” screamed Jose. “You should take whey every single day.” “Pshhh” I replied. “Like that helps any?” All Jose could do is sigh and think of the benefits that were plenty. But not losing hope Jose started on a rant that wouldn’t lose steam. About all the benefits of whey protein. 

He said “It provides a fast stream of amino acids to muscle tissue!” I arrogantly replied, “that’s not that big of an issue.”

“It has a speedy digestion compared to other protein sources!” he exclaimed. “What’s your point?” I said as the color from his face drained.

“It improves blood flow to the forearm muscles, which enhances delivery of muscle building nutrients such as oxygen and hormones. You ass!!!” In thought I pondered and then said, ” Well I don’t wanna get jacked just get cut, I think I’ll pass” 

At that moment Jose lost his temper and knocked me over the head with something. 

An hour later I woke with a pounding headache and a stiffness. As my eyes cleared I realized that Jose dropped me off at a Planet Fitness.

The Sweetness Of Silence

Video of my poem

My Something is Now

 

I have to be something, because if im not something then i’m nothing and if i’m nothing what the hell am I? What the hell is my purpose? More or less i’m just taking up space, and taking up this air that I don’t really have a plan for. Excuse me because I dont even know what Im talking about, I dont even know what im talking about. This life..its like a puzzle, its like a riddle, its like that damn sudoku you try on sunday morning but it just doesnt quite make sense at all. So many times we are busy trying to make sense of it all, trying to get strangers to like us and we forget about the few that love us beyond our ridiculous faults. These minds of ours are cluttered with oughts and ought naughts. Over analyzing every move and not knowing where to let the sanity drop. That we forget that the only thing that matters is the now. The now is this very particular moment which will have no other like it. What you do in the now is the only thing that matters. The now is a place where dreams are lived and new worlds are conquered. The now is the mystical and the logical. The impractical and improbable. The Ideological and plausible. The now is exactly what you want it to be. Now… let that soak in and take a deep breath. You owe it to yourself to just take this breath.  Breathe in The Now. How beautiful does it feel. What you just did was experience this moment completely and absolutely. Now take that and apply it to every single moment you will ever see. Experience each moment thoroughly and deeply. Because what we are is the universe with a conscious floating around in a 3d reality. Where the sane have no place because you can only strive with the insanity. To live in the now and to live in a world of dreams you need to lose your mind and forgot whatever seemed. Far too often we are hindered by the social constructs of society why cant we just follow our own paths and be who we choose to be. These are just nonsensical thoughts flowing through my head and to be honest I dont even know what ive said. These are just emotions prematurely  bursting at seeing a white blank page.

 

I have to be something, because if im not something then im nothing and if im nothing what the hell am i? Breathe in The Now. I am an artist. As Picasso played with the canvas I play with the white blank page. My fingers are my brush and with each key I hit I feel a rush. Because this is what the hell I am. I create. I create with my imagination and bring forth illumination …of the mind. We all crave to be something because what is life without meaning. Meaning for us to be here instead of all those who didnt make it this far. But remember those who didn’t make it this far because they would do anything to be in your beaten down gym shoes. In this life there is only so much that we get to chose. So chose to be happy and chose to dream. Chose to love and dont be afraid to scream ..it off the roof tops at the tops of you lungs. And make sure your young tongues have sung with so much joy it reaches the cosmos and even the Gods know that you chose to live in The Now.

 

Freedom Rains

 

 

He stood there looking in to the window, on this clear and crisp night. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, his wife in the arms of another man. The woman he once cared for so much, his high school sweetheart.  It was odd he thought while standing there, “I should be more hurt, I should burst in there and confront them but the truth is I can’t seem to move at all.” He did not know what was more upsetting, his wife cheating or the fact that he did not seem to care as much as he should. Rain began to fall on to his head and he felt the cold drops bring more feeling and sensation in to his body than he has felt in over the past 5 years. Working a job he didn’t care about, one he had no passion for so he could support his even more passionless marriage. Day in and day out he walked with the corporate corpses, pretending that he was one of them when in reality he was far from it.

He used to have dreams, he used to sing out loud, he always used to have a smile on his face. He wanted to help people and he wanted to make this world a better place. This was the real him but unfortunately this was also the old him, one he hasn’t seen in over five years. He was still standing outside the window and he was about to turn away and right at that moment his eye caught his wife’s eye. It was obvious she saw him but she did not stop. If anything she became more caught up in the moment of passion and lost all inhibitions. Right then he knew that this moment was not one of heartache but a blessing instead. He is finally free of the shackles of the mundane, of the corporate politics and of playing just a role of husband but not actually being one. He was finally free to be himself and to live a life full of lost inhibitions and to carry out his dreams. He finally stepped away from the window and made his way to the middle of the street. There he opened his arms and welcomed the rain into his embrace. With a smile on his face and eyes wide open he finally looked at the rain as a mad man.